HUMOROUS ONE LINERS

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed.
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings us into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

Boss: I'll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I'll raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start?
Santa: In 3 months.

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?

Pilot asking permission to land said, "Guess who?"
Controller switches the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"